Cupid’s Bent Arrow

Why Online Dating Is Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

We all know that one joke. “A man’s biggest fear when meeting his online girlfriend is that she’s fat. A woman’s is that she’ll get killed.” Now how messed up is a society that finds that funny? Incredibly, the sad part is murder isn’t really the biggest risk for women when it comes to online dating.

In a study conducted in July of 2014, online dating statistics were taken of both genders, all age groups, and across the country. Some very frightening information was brought to light, especially for the women this blog is designed for. 49% of users claimed physical appearance was the most important factor. (Yes, both men and women are included in this survey. No, men do not fall victim to the beauty standards of society the way women do.) 53% of online daters claim to have dated more than one person simultaneously. 10% of sex offenders have used an online dating profile to meet people. Women lie most about body type, while men lie most about age and income. And if that‘s not creepy enough for you, how about this chart which shows average attractiveness by age for both genders, taken from data off the popular dating site OkCupid.

For women, the trend is to be attracted to generally the same age group as our own. For men, the maximum age is early twenties. The truly scary part? The data collected only went down to age 20. How many men preferred younger, even underage girls?

graph1       graph2

Christian Rudder, one of the co-founders of OkCupid, discusses internal racial issues in this interview, and makes very nice points. However, he also says that these younger women are not who men are messaging, that they are sticking to their age groups. That is where I disagree. When I made my OkCupid account, I was 17. The oldest man to send me a message asking for casual sex was in his 60’s. The majority were men in their mid- to late-thirties. Women who messaged me were usually in their late teens or early twenties, and they were usually looking for new friends.

 So here’s the big question: Why?

Certain men, much like apex predators, have the uncanny ability to feed on the weak. If they think a girl has low self-esteem, they pounce on the “free meat”. Of course, if you don’t respond the way they want, the then try to make you seem like the bad-guy. These men are to be avoided at any and all costs. In this blogger’s humble opinion, I find the ones who actually treat ladies with basic human decency to be the preferred dating partners.

Now, it’s usually right about now that I get the “not all men” speech, or “you’re lying to get attention, dumb femnazi”. I wish I didn’t have proof.

The following are messages sent to me on my OkCupid profile.

This Charming Gentleman is 36 and lives in Fort Stewart, Georgia.message1

This pig is 47 and lives in Metter, Georgia.


This guy is 42, lives here in Statesboro, and messaged me after I updated my status to “in a relationship”.


This delight of a human being is 33, and this was the last message I received from him. He is married.


Onto my main point, one of the dangers of online dating is older men trying to victimize young women who they may feel have low enough self-esteem to manipulate.

The following messages are the first, a few in the middle, and the last message that I received from a 27 year old from South Carolina. All that changed during our encounter was it went from pleasant conversation to his anger following my unwillingness to drive all the way to South Carolina to meet him in person

These are the first three messages I received from him. Nothing too creepy right from the start, he just seems a little forward and overly friendly. I denied his request to give out my phone number, which he seemed to take fine and continued to message me multiple times a day.


I received this message after refusing to drive all the way to see him


And this was the last message I received from him before blocking his account and reporting it for harassment. message8

This all happened within a 48 hour period.

Sadly, I have many more messages like this that date all the way back to 2012, when my account was originally made, but these were the most recent I could find that I hadn’t deleted. Why I never deleted my account entirely, I’m not sure. Maybe I enjoyed the friendships that I did make on there. Maybe I knew it would be a good tool to meet students here. Maybe I was so appalled by the actions of these individuals I couldn’t bring myself to delete it entirely, because I knew I could use their words as some sort of evidence. The types of messages I receive, and those I get them from have not changed from the time I was 17 and single to now, when I’m 19 and in a relationship. These men are not going to respect my humanity, nor will they respect yours. These messages aren’t even the most vile I have received. I delete the worst of them, and some things just don’t belong in an essay.


About Jessie

I'm just a college student stuck in the deep south with very few plans for the future. I like to talk about new wave feminism, guns, classic cars, fish, how outrageously gay I am, and really bad jokes. I don't get out much unless its a GoodWill run or I'm out of mac and cheese. Sometimes I do cute date things with my partner, other times I just stare wistfully at all the cute snakes I'll never own.

Posted on October 13, 2014, in Big Bites and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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